You

My world in my hands,I held on tight, 

refusing to let him go, with all my might.

I still won't sit back and just let him leave,

I need to hold hope, and believe, and breathe.

Waking in the morning is still an ordeal,

my eyes open wide and it's the loss that I feel.

My life won't get better or easier in time,

I know my own truth, this loss is mine.

That boy, my son, my dream, my one.

The one wish I tried hard for, he came and then left,

leaving his Mummy all broken, bereft.

His Daddy hurts too, I don't mean to dismiss,

I know he struggles inside, with the curse that this is.

I see beautiful babies born and brand new,

reminders of that day .... that day I had you.

Seeing milestones and parties, and Gala's, parades,

seeing first steps, first tooth-loss, first giggle, first fall,

first for everyone else, they'll see them all.

They'll see first year, puberty, then graduation ball.

Instead for us, we sit and we dream, of how you would look, of how you would seem,

of what we would want for us, and for you,

How we could have lived.  Our dreams that came true.

The months are passing, but I still feel the depth.

The grip, the agony, the memories of then.

Wishing my life away, for re-unitement again.

Insensitivity is a thing I really can't stand.

Especially since you left, that's not what we planned.

Some people are gentle, some people are kind,

some discuss their life updates with you on their mind.

Some chatter, and boast, and are bursting with pride,

with not a scrap of feeling for the pain that we hide.

But there's others that do.  That have you in their thought.

That think of our lives and the devastation, that losing you brought.

I come home from work and I miss you.  I sit at home busy with the garden, or walking the dogs and I miss you.  I lie in the bath surrounded by bubbles and I miss you.  I cook for Daddy, and I miss you.  I play with your cousins and I miss you.  I live, and I miss you.

I am not yet alive, but I am learning.

I wrote the party invitations, and I missed you.

I attended the party and smiled, and I missed you.

The weekend has passed, and I am returning to work after a weeks break, and I miss you.

Being a 'Missing you, Mummy' is hard, because I want to hold you, hear you, touch you.  

But instead i have no choice but to miss you.

Every second.

<3 xxxxxxxx

Mummy loves you Bubba xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and so does Dad xxxxxxxxxxx