Man, this life is hard Haydon. Just when I started to relax in the thinking that today was a decent day...BAM..I'm right back down there, blubbering into hankies, asking Daddy if it will get easier......
the trigger....is there one?
or is it just knowing that others are happy with their kids like we should be with you.
that people are making plans, like we should be with you,
that people are celebrating and being proud, quite rightly, like we should be with you.
But what do we have? a grave.
I don't have my son. I have a grave. I have a space that I attend to, that I make beautiful, that people give gifts to in your memory........but I want you here.
When will that get blooming easier.
A mother. A mother with her arms empty.
I often say that after every high follows a low. But, maybe the truth is that after every low follows a brief high.
I have been ok (apart from a few blips, since Wednesday, that is the longest I have gone since you left where I haven't fallen apart)
Big day yesterday. I coped.
Today I forced myself forward, but now I can't. Enough for today.
I've coped long enough.
I love you. I love you more than I could ever explain, or that I could ever describe. I love you way more than most would even think was possible/
My son, my hero, my heart, my soul.
Always and forever, You just are.
I love you. I miss you. I physically ache for you. I just do.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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