SHUT UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry Bubba...this is a rant and a half..I need to get it out....

I am so flipping fed up hearing how some people's lives are so hard...when there seems nothing that tragic about their life?
I am so fed up with others having such a blooming wonderful time all the time, while others seem to just have the total opposite of luck!!
I am so fed up with trying to say how I am feeling...but so many times feeling overlooked, or discounted.....or even like I am boring people...
I am so fed up with people I care about struggling to get security.....
I am so fed up being skint...properly skint......(we still haven't recovering from you leaving).....and needing new things for home and for wearing, and not being able to afford them....
I am so fed up with cheeky bar-stewards that make comments, meaning to be funny...but you know they are having a dig.......flipping come and live my life then....wanna swap?
I am fed up feeling sad about babies, and seeming like I grudge people...I don't grudge...I just miss you.....my boy.
I want to be thinking of what nursery you should be going to.  I want to be thinking of how you are developing....not how I am missing out on so much.

More babies born.  More babies due.  More reminders.  More memories.  More pain.

I am so fed up generally......I am fed up that after a really good day ...there follows several really sh*t ones.....I HATE this life.  I HATE this rollercoaster.  I HATE not knowing how I am going to feel.  I HATE how people I love are hurting so badly.  I HATE feeling like I HATE so much.

Most of all though....I hate my life without you.  That isn't getting easier...I think I'm wearing a diluted glue on my mask today......

Aunty Bev now has one of your teddies to cuddle like you told me to do in a whisper xxxxxxxxxxx

It's about time so many folk realised what they have, compared to what others don't...and I don't just mean babies here.
It's a bout time folk stopped fecking bragging....because you know what.....Tragedy...of any kind can strike...and anyone can be hit....anyone can be left with devastation......


No wonder I now choose my company so carefully....

I don't feel charitable or patient tonight.......

So instead of screaming aloud..I am screaming here.............AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Who makes these rules.

I need a break.
Until then I'll just have a beer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I miss you my gorgeous brave boy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx