Another Day. My heart is heavy.

After all the shenanigans last week Haydon, your Mummy is exhausted.  I haven't really slept much at all last night, my brain is too busy.
Mummy has been in contact with so many people already this morning....did I always find contact with other people this hard??

Daddy went to a concert last night, and he called Mummy lots of times while he was away to tell her that he loved her, and loved you, he had a lot to drink.  In Daddy's words he has never been as drunk as that before.  He got home safely to Garry's because he looked after him.  but maybe this is something that Daddy needed, and god knows Haydon, how often Daddy has looked after me when I've drank too much since you left.  I never really ever drank a lot before you, then when you left I drank a lot of the days, now I don't again.  There is a change..If I look hard enough I see the changes.
They are slow changes, but they are happening.

I am feeling all mixed up today.  I wanted to go out to SANDS today, but I can't go because I have dentist.  I really don't want to leave the house to go to the dentist, but I would have left it for SANDS...how muddled is that?
I have a sore head from all my thinking already today.

I've been thinking a lot about your journey, your suffering, your awareness.  You were so aware, and I wish with all of my heart and soul that I could say you didn't suffer.  But, I know that isn't true.  When will all the good memories come Haydon....They haven't reached me yet.  Please make that happen for Mummy and Daddy. xxx

Mummy has been working on the garden and I have some places ready to put your little memorial trees...I will need to go and get them soon.
They will look so pretty in the garden next to the memorial garden for Uncle John and your other baby siblings in heaven xxxxxx

I miss you.
I love you.

I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand.....those are the lyrics from a song by the Goo Goo Dolls called Iris.  This song reminds me of you today Bubba xxxxxxxxxxx

My beautiful little bubba.  My Mr Strong.  Much stronger than I will ever be.  Everyone needs a hero in life Haydon.  My 'hero' is you. <3

I'm closing my eyes and hugging you with my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx