Keeping Granny Safe

You are such a clever boy keeping your Granny safe.  She is carrying around the little teddies that you whispered to Mummy to give to her.  They are your cuddlies, a teensy little bear, and a jingly Eeyore, both from your bedroom.   She loves the Eeyore...you were right to keep telling me to choose that one xxx Granny said that she is not feeling very great today, but she is carrying your teddies around in her dressing gown pocket next to her heart...she says you are keeping her safe. xxxxxx

Mummy has been busy in the garden today, keeping herself busy because she has been waiting on an important phone call..the call hasn't come yet, but Mummy has painted the 4 old Bike Tyres in the garden that she uses for planters, and she has painted the big rectangle that Daddy made to hold lots of flowers.  Mummy has also painted the garden gate with a Mr Strong, and a Little Miss Sunshine...they remind me of you, and they also make me think of little Sylvina who had a very similar journey as you.  I am sure you have met her, and that you are both having lots of fun together...so this is what I was thinking when I painted those pictures on the gate.  It is Sylvina's angel day today, and her Mummy and Daddy have really sore hearts...can you ask Sylvina to tiptoe over and give them a big hug..they will feel her there..I promise xxxxx

Mummy has a plan in her mind to paint the big piece at the back door with a Train, and butterflies, and lady birds...and all the special things that her friends remember their babies with xxx

Mummy hasn't been feeling very good today, and I think its because of all the emotions and worry yesterday...Mummy isn't good with these things any more.  She will head up to see Granny soon xxx
Mummy also got a new thing on her phone yesterday...it is called..WhatsApp....Mummy has been using it to send pictures and chat to some people.  Last night Mummy came across more Mummies from the neonatal unit who use this App in their phones, and they had pictures of their babies as their profile pictures..they all look so much bigger.....I had to find out how to hide them...and that made me feel sad...but I can't cope with seeing them at the moment, it made me cry.......

I love you so much my sweetest heart xxxx I am closing your eyes and hugging you with my heart.

The phone call has just happened.  Mummy cried.  I wish I didn't cry so much.  The meeting with work needs to happen but Ellen is going to help Mummy with it when it happens.

I never ever thought for a minute that we would have you in our arms one day and have to be without you the next.  Forever is still such a long time Haydon.  Every day is still so so hard without you.
I am trying my hardest to try and think of good things that happened with you.  I am trying so hard not to think of all the hard stuff.
We spent so long trying to get you here, and then we did.  We never expected to outlive our child, but we have.
This world is a cruel place, and I wonder when I will start to see it all with the eyes that I used to see through.

I love you.  I just do..you never doubted this....and so does Daddy xxxxx