Can you see those 2 balloons in the love heart bubba? Can you see the white balloon and the blue one? Those were the balloons we chose for you...did you and your baby siblings catch them?
When Mummy and Daddy were walking down to the beach, the 2 balloons tangled together, and instead of letting them go separately, we had to let them go together, but we realised that was probably how it should have been anyway....a balloon for you, and a balloon for your 3 baby angel siblings.
Mummy and Daddy are feeling very sad and cheated today. We miss you. We shouldn't need to miss you. You should be here, with us, slobbering over us and driving us round the bend with your cheeky ways, because we know you were going to be a cheeky wee boy, you were cheeky from the very start.
Mummy has been up to see your forever space and friends of Mummy and Daddy had left you a lovely big bunch of red carnations. They were thinking of you. That is so so kind.
Mummy has given you a new tatty teddy, and he is holding flowers. He has green patches instead of blue, I hope that's ok because I know you love grey and blue tatty most.
Mummy has been thinking about a comment that another angel mummy made a few days ago...cards for 'almost a mummy'......what does that even mean?
Am I almost a Mummy?...NO, I am a mummy, your mummy, and Euan's mummy and the 2 babies that we didn't get a chance to spend much time withs Mummy.
is this for ladies who have babies in their bellies? Even that doesn't seem right...noone knows what will happen, and heaven forbid it ever does.....but Mummy and Daddy are living proof that we don't always get our bring home baby forever.
I've been thinking this over a lot. Will other people think I am almost a Mummy?...or will they know I am a Mummy?.....
Mummy remembers someone saying to Mummy that they wished they had a figure like hers....it's not that special.....but they went on to say "see once you've had a child like me, your figure just never comes back like it used to".
Mummy reminded her, after a big gasp, that she has carried a baby and birthed him, and her figure came back so quickly...probably because she had been a zumba addict..but also because she never got a chance to rest, even after her Cesarean....whatever.....she forgot Mummy has a son, you. It hurt.
I am not almost a Mummy Haydon. I saw you being raised out of my belly and hearing you cry your very first cry. I held you in my arms and stopped your tears. I fed you from the milk that my body had made, very quickly, for you. I saw the image of your daddy in your face, and also the image of me, your mum. I held you in my arms and tried to make your final journey as peaceful and gentle as possible. I offered my life for you, because you ARE my world, even yet.
I am a Mummy. I am a heart broken Mummy. I am a Mummy that will never stop missing her son, but then again, what loving and caring and committed parent could let their child go and not miss them???
I am the Mummy of the most beautiful hearted little boy who could have ever touched this earth, an earth angel, from the very start. that little boy with the grin that would make me laugh. The cry that would make me cry, and hiccups that made me giggle...and a backside that made me hold my nose...yes, indeed...you were a stinky butt.
I am your Mummy, and I miss you. I just do.
I am your Mummy and I love you. I just do.
I am your Mummy and I'm glad we met...that has taken a long time to admit bubba, or maybe, for me to come to terms with. I only recently have.
I am your Mummy and you are my heart and my soul, just like a mother and her son should be. It just is.
You are my everything. You just are.
Catch your balloon, and share it with your family of babies....give Granny a big kiss up in the clouds too today bubba, because people miss her down here lots xxxx Give Uncle Keith's Mummy a big kiss too, because he has a pain in his heart too. Give Aunty Karin's Mummy a slobber too because she isn't here today, and also give Mummy and Daddy's friend John's Mummy a big kiss too because he misses her lots. There's also a little girl I know who is without her birth Mummy today, and she will be thinking of her even while she will be showing love to her other Mummy ...so give her Mum a big Kiss aswell.
You will be a busy boy...but your kisses always helped sore hearts xxxxxx
I am closing my eyes and giving you the biggest hug with my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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