Living.....or trying to...

Mummy's happiest days.  Your happiest days.  I miss you Bubba xxxx <3

Hello my gorgeous boy xxx

It has been some weekend.  A busy weekend.  A weekend filled with masks, sometimes laughter, and sometimes tears aswell.

Mummy and Daddy had your cousins staying over for the first time in a year on Friday.  Aunty Leeann has a new job, so we wanted to have Lewis and Lauren over to let her have a nice time on her leaving party day.

We did have a nice time.  We carved pumpkins, we had spooky curry made by Daddy (he hid spiders in it), we played spooky stories, and spooky people, we played musical statues (Lewis pulled his jeans down in the dark! That was a surprise!!), Aunty Cheryl and Mummy played the slidy slipper game around the livingroom, and then we played blind man's buff.  We all laughed lots and lots.  Mummy dressed up as a bear.  Lewis was the scary man from Scream.  Lauren was a witch.  Daddy disappeared upstairs and came back down dressed up in a scary mask to give your cousins a fright. Aunty Cheryl said she was dressed like Frankie Cocozza ...only because she had her hat with her! We all laughed at that!

It was lots of fun, and lots of goodies to eat.  You would have had a great time baby boy.  Granny K brought down lots of munchies to eat at our party, even though it was actually passed Halloween, but we wanted to have something fun to do with your cousins.  They said they enjoyed the party and the sleepover a lot.

Mummy and Daddy love your cousins very much, and it was lovely to have them party with us.  Mummy started to feel her mask falling down in the morning though.  She kept pressing it back up, but she could feel tears not very far away.  Your cousins were speaking about how cute you would look in a Halloween costume, and how much they miss you.  They miss you too.  Like we miss you.  It was hard keeping our tears in, they don't need to see Mummy crying, especially when they came over for a happy time.

By the time the morning passed and it was getting close to afternoon, Mummy was really struggling with her mask.  She just needed some time to breath and not perform, because Mummy does perform now, she isn't the same as she used to be.  She can't have fun for long periods of time now without having a big dip.  The times for being sad aren't lasting quite as long as they used to, but they still come, and they still hit hard.

Mummy took herself off to buy you some lovely flowers for your forever bed, and bought Daddy some nice foods so he wouldn't want to 'divorce' her, cos that's the funny list that Daddy is making, and it makes Mummy laugh.  It makes everyone laugh when we tell them about it.

Mummy picked you up some beautiful flowers like the ones Merle gets for the church.  They have blues, and purples, and orange, and green, and pink in them, but they don't have yellow because you don't like those ones.  Mummy took quite a bit of time getting your flowers and getting some shopping and then she came home and we all took the flowers up to you.  They are in your vase from your Purves family and your vase from Uncle Billy.  They are so so pretty and colourful.

After we came home Aunty Leeann and Lewis and Lauren went up to Granny B's to play with Casey, they took their lantern up the road with them, and also took up Casey's because she had made one at Mummy's house the day before.  

Mummy was staying quite strong up until that point.  Then she fell apart and ended up in bed really early.  She felt so sad, she couldn't even properly speak to Daddy, Saturday night and Mummy was in bed so early, and then she started crying and couldn't stop, so Daddy had to come up to bed and help Mummy and hugged her until she felt she could sleep.

Mummy and Daddy had really enjoyed having your cousins over, but maybe the time was a bit too long for Mummy to hold her mask up for most of the next day too, now that she is thinking about it.  We are glad that your cousins had a good time though.  Mummy had arranged to do christmas craft with Aunty Cheryl for Saturday, but we changed the day to today because we wanted to concentrate hard on our jobs.

This morning when Mummy got up she replied to messages from her friend at work.  Christine was so lovely and so understanding in her messages.  Mummy cried.  But Christine said she knew how special you are and that you will always be with Mummy.  She wants to visit Mummy, and Mummy said that is ok.  So, that's another new thing that Mummy will do.

Today has been a nice soothing day.  Just what Mummy needed.  Mummy spent a lot of the morning and a lot of the afternoon making more of her Secret Angel, well, she has did quite a bit more of it anyway.  Then Aunty Cheryl came down and we made lots of Cherubs.  They are so pretty and we really enjoyed making them.  They will look lovely on your Christmas gift, and we have painted them Gold.  But the one's for the Christmas Angel will be a different colour, so we had to stop for the night until Mummy gets more things to work on it some more.

Aunty Cheryl said she enjoyed today too.  We will need to get Aunty Kirsty and Aunty Paula sorted for a day to come down and make your 'Holly' part of your Birthday Gift.

Uncle Mark, Daddy and Mummy's lovely friend, who has the same birthday as you, came to visit today aswell and it was so lovely to see him.  He is a lovely man and I just know you would have really liked him too Bubba.  He had been travelling around, so he got some of Mummy's Spicy Pumpkin Soup, and he said it was really nice.  It warmed up his tummy I think anyway.  Uncle Mark is also taking part in the Secret Angel because he said he has you in his heart too, and that is so so lovely xxx

Tomorrow Mummy is at an appointment at the Dental Hospital so she will need to be brave in the morning.  Come along and hold my hand Bubba xxxxxxxx

I love you Haydon.  Daddy loves you Haydon.  We miss you.  Everyone misses you.  Even people that you didn't get a chance to meet miss you.  You touched so many hearts baby boy, and you still do.

We wish you could have been with us at the Halloween Party.  We wish you could be with us every day, every second, but you are in a way because you are in our hearts all the time...you know this Bubba xxxx

We love you Bubba.  We just do.  We will forever.  We didn't ever need a reason, we won't ever need a reason.

<3 <3 <3 xxxxxx