bumps and babies

Another day, another bump,
brings Mummy right down with a thump,
couples having one more try,
this news always makes your Mummy cry.

I don't resent those folk for this,
searching for their perfect bliss,
but Mummy misses you little guy,
you were once my bump, my final try.

No more babies, that's what they say,
these words go round about my brain today,
even though we just want you,
the news is hard, our choices few.

I'm a Mummy, you are my son,
but I'll never have another one,
another bump, or another baby,
take another path? who knows, maybe.

These days are long,
I still miss you,
I'm keeping busy,
nowt else to do.

I'd give up everything I've got,
to change your path, change our lot.
Watching others take their gift for granted.
My perfect boy, you're all I wanted.

Mummy misses you baby boy.  I miss the feel of your skin, and the smell of you.  I miss hearing you babble, and I miss seeing you smile.  When getting told stories of kiddies not sleeping well, or eating well, or not doing as they're told, or not being well.........I think of you, and how I would never complain, how I never complained.  I was blessed for such a short time Bubba, and I would have spent the rest of my life in the Haydon bubble, not having sleep, not eating, not seeing anyone, if it meant I could still have you.  You were all I wanted and all I needed, and I embraced the rough days and nights and mostly enjoyed them because Mummy and Daddy had been looking forward to that for so long.  Not when you were in the last 2 hospitals though, because our lives changes so much there and that wasn't enjoyable, for you or for us.

I'd give it all Haydon.  All of it.  I offered my soul and even that wasn't enough.
Come visit me in my dreams Bubba, and help Daddy to settle cos he can't sleep at all tonight and he hardly slept last night either.
I often wonder if I would even want to try for another baby because I only want you, maybe I'll only ever want you.  But having no choice and no say about it all makes it hard news.  I wish all these ladies well that are lucky enough to have little babies growing in their tummies or in their worlds, I just wish I still had you because this is a really lonely world since you left us xxxxx.

I love you Bubba, I just do xxxxxxxxx <3
I didn't ever need a reason, because you were you, and filled up my heart xxx