The Scent Of You.

Mummy is on day 12 of her project Haydon.  Scents.  Scents that remind me of you.
Mummy tried yesterday to go into your bags and take some photos of your precious clothes and blankets that have your smell on, but she couldn't, she waited for today.  Today she can't either.  I am just not strong enough today to smell your very own smell.

Mummy gave away some of your things yesterday.  That was hard.  Evelyne couldn't manage them all out to the car so Mummy helped her.  Mummy helped her to put them in the back of the car and she walked away very quickly because she didn't want to cry in the street.
She did cry in the house though, and she was glad Uncle Bobe was here.
Mummy's boss text her a wee while later asking how she was, because she knew that it must have been hard giving your things away.  Mummy appreciated that.

There is still no pressure for Mummy to go back to Social Work, but there is a letter that Mummy need to write so that they can help find a different job if that's what needs to happen, but at least that will give Mummy some more time to think about what she can cope with now. Mummy wonders if she will ever cope with anything, anymore.

Mummy's work sent flowers.  they are all in a basket and there's a little butterfly attached to the handle.  Very pretty.  Very kind of them too.  Mummy will send a card thanking them all.

I hate Friday's, I have always hated Fridays since you left.

You are meant to be getting your forever stone placed in today but Mummy hasn't heard anything yet about it, so we will see.

Today Mummy is meeting Aunty Elinor for lunch.  Daddy has given Mummy some money and has told her to have a nice time.  I will try to.  You always liked visits form Aunty Elinor and Kevin, especially Kevin.  You used to chat to him a lot.  kevin says you still do.  He was your favourite.  I don't know if I will see Kevin today but that would make Mummy happy if she saw him.

Today is quite a hard day so far.  I have been replaying over and over you being swollen all over your body when you were holding onto fluids.  We couldn't even attach your nappy tight because you were even so swollen and sore down there.  Sometimes you couldn't even wear clothes because of this.  Sometimes you were hurting when we handled you, because of this.
Mummy woke up crying and remembering you hurting.  I am sorry that you had to hurt so much baby boy.  It makes Mummy and Daddy cry that you hurt so much.  We wish you didn't have to hurt so much.

Mummy loves you bubba, and I miss you.  I just do.  I will for always.

<3