Granny's special little angel. You are loved so much by everyone. My little hero.
Haydon, Granny keeps a lot of emotion to herself and tries to keep strong for the family, especially Mummy at the moment as she is not in a very good place. But inside my heart is really broken.
I remember when your mummy told me she was expecting you, I was over the moon but so scared for your Mummy and Daddy as they had already lost your siblings a short while before that.
Mummy has health problems and granny was worried about her, and how she would cope with a pregnancy, but she was determined that no matter what she was going to have you. I hoped and prayed you would be okay. You were a brave wee boy right from the beginning. Stubborn like all men.
We had a bet on your sex. Uncle Bobe won, trust him to get it right. I was sure you were going to be a girl. Don't think you would have liked the idea of me putting you in frilly frocks though.
We found out you and Mummy both had health problems. You were both so determined and I am proud of you both. Was a scary time.
We went to see you on the big scan. It was so amazing, that Granny couldn't stop crying when she got home. You were definitely there, our precious baby.
When Mummy and Daddy told us that you had 'Down's' it didn't make any difference, you were loved no matter what. they are the best parents anyone could ask for.
We knew you would have health problems when you were born but never knew how ill you were going to get. Worrying time for us all.
Mummy wasn't very well and had to go to hospital. She was told you would need to be born. 30 weeks. Too early. Granny was so scared for you both.
Mummy and Daddy had their first anniversary in the hospital. Very emotional day.
When Mummy was told it was time for you to be born it was scary but a lovely thing to happen as it was your cousin Fiona's birthday the same day. Granny, Aunty Paula, Aunty Cheryl, sat all night waiting for news at the hospital. Grandad and Uncle Keith came to take us home but we wouldn't budge. When Mummy eventually told us you were born Granny cried all night. You had health issues, your heart and lungs were poor. I was frightened for you, and Mummy and Daddy. You had got this far that I hoped and prayed you would get better. we went to church in hospital.
The first time I saw you the love I had for you was unbelievable. You were so tiny, you had tubes and a ventilator, but I could see you were beautiful. We thought you were improving. Granny got to hold you and have her first cuddle. It was so emotional. You looked at me and held my finger and sucked that dummy noisily, but I will treasure that moment forever.
Mummy and Daddy never left your side. Must have been very hard for them, but I am so proud of them both.
Eventually you were allowed home. We were all excited. Sadly, it wasn't for long. You were struggling to breathe, you had to go to hospital. Again I cried and prayed you would get better.
You were struggling and Granny wanted to take the pain away and make you better. When Granny got cuddles, it was a wonderful feeling. You were 'My Little Pumper' because you liked breaking wind on me.
Your Mummy calls the hospital the 'Shit Kids', as they didn't seem to making you better, only worse. you were deteriorating.
You were sent to Yorkhill for a heart op. We hoped you were strong enough to cope with the journey. you made it safely. Granny was in a daze all day till she got told. You battled all the way. A brave boy. So proud of you.
After the op we thought and hoped you would get better, but your lungs were struggling. You were given a body scan that showed up many issues that could not be repaired. There was nothing else that could be done to save my precious.
Your Mummy and Daddy were so angry and upset, and Granny was so angry and upset that she wasn't there for them.
Your Mummy told me we had to clear up your room. That was the hardest and most emotional thing that us both Granny's done.
Granny and Grandad came to see you. You looked so vulnerable lying there. I just wanted to lift you and take you home. Aunty Cheryl and Aunty Paula came too. When Granny left you that night I knew in my heart I would never see or hold you again. I couldn't say goodbye to you. I had not long said Hello. I cried and cried. Aunty Cheryl and Aunty Paula cried. We had no tears left. Grandad drove home in silence.
You were christened in a special robe that had been in the family for years. That must have been a very emotional but lovely thing for Mummy and Daddy to do.
I am so proud of them. They are wonderful people.
Sadly, on the 6th April you lost your battle. Granny's 25th anniversary, and Good Friday. I will never forget that day as long as I am alive. It was the saddest day of my life. Your Grandad had been beaten up that day and was in hospital. Taking in that we had lost you was so hard to take in. You were our fighter, our little hero till the very end. this should never have happened.
WHY?
Your funeral was very hard. When you were at the church you should have been in your own forever bed, but it hadn't arrived. eventually you were exchanged over to be at peace. I tried to be strong Haydon. Your Mummy and daddy needed me. But I couldn't be strong. the tears flowed and still flow. So many people came to say goodbye. It was overwhelming. Even people who never knew you. You're a special boy. you have touched so many people and left broken hearts behind, especially Mummy and Daddy. Find a way to make them strong again Haydon.
I know you are in a better place. No pain and at peace, but it's still hard knowing you won't be back.
I believe your Grandparents are looking after you and cherishing you. Tell them I love and miss them too.
You were a gift brought to two wonderful people. Why did you have to be taken away from them.
They say life goes on. It's not easy but hopefully one day we will have the strength to cope.
We all love and miss you Haydon. You were a HERO.
You are the first thing Granny looks at in the morning, and last thing at night.
Sweet Dreams wee man. My angel.
Love you always.
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