(Sharon is Mummy's Cousin)
Dear Haydon
When your mummy asked me to write a blog about how I feel about you I definately wanted to do it, I needed to wait until I had a quiet moment to myself so I can say exactly how I feel as I don't want to miss anything out. Haydon, you have touched my heart more than I thought anyone else's child could.
When I first heard that your mummy and daddy were having a baby, I was so happy for them as they had been through so much and no one deserved this happiness more than them! I didn't know the full extent of their losses until later but I knew they had gone through so much hurt and was glad that finally some good times were coming their way
My mum (aunty Angela) told me that there was a chance you would be born with Down's syndrome and I did think to my self 'why is nothing simple for Helen and jim' but I quickly realised that your mummy and daddy would be the perfect parents for you as they are so caring and mummy is very experienced with children with difficulties and you couldn't be born into a better family. After seeing how our cousin Kevin has grown into an amazing young man, it just shows that having Down's syndrome makes people even more special
On the lead up to Christmas last year I knew it was a case of any day now that you would enter our world. When I received the text saying 'Haydon James Kennan' was born that day I was so happy that you were a brilliant weight! I thought 'he's gona do fabby!' And you did do fabby, you fought and fought and every hurdle you got over, you got stronger and I honestly didn't think anything bad would happen to you. I was desperate to meet you but didn't want to intrude on personal time, you had to many people closer to your mummy and daddy queuing up to meet you! When I heard you got home, I was amazed at how well you were doing as you weren't even due to be born yet!
Then you had to go back into hospital and sadly you never got to come home again I felt so devastated for your mummy and daddy. Your mummies Facebook was telling a very sad story and each day I prayed for you Haydon, I prayed and begged for you to get strong again as your mummy and daddy needed you... But every text I received about you, every phone call, every Facebook message, was news that made me even sadder
A few nights before you passed, your aunty Kirsty put up a Facebook status saying that they have had devastating news and your granny and grandads silver wedding had been cancelled... Well Haydon, I stayed awake all that night because I knew, I just knew I prayed that it was a set back and you would be ok in a few days but when I was told the next day that you had days to live I felt I had been stabbed in the heart
You see Haydon, aunty Sharon has her own 2 babies and this really hit home... I think you need to be a mummy to even get close to imagining what your mummy and daddy were feeling like. My own baby boy was only 9 months old and it was all so hard to deal with, so I switched my mind off that this was happening and prayed for a miracle, prayed for a text saying that you had amazed the doctors again! But sadly that text ever came, only a missed called from aunty Moira on the Friday morning at approx 8.30am and I just knew... (Your mummy's status saying 'the dark clouds are coming' appeared on my page and i cried my eyes out) It was one phone call I really didn't want to return but I had to and when aunty Moira said that you had passed just a short time earlier, my heart broke... My heart broke for you, my heart broke for your mummy and daddy, for your grandparents and aunties and uncles. I swear I have never held my 2 babies so tight in their wee lives. I went to work that day and could hardly speak to clients, I was very quiet all day and when I got home I cried and cried. Uncle Kevin shed a tear, we were all terribly sad
I can't even begin to Imagine what your mummy and daddy were going through, just awful
I got a text from your granny saying you would be in Tranent funeral parlour if we would like to say goodbye. This was hard as I didn't get to say hello... How can you say goodbye to a baby boy? Hard, hard day... But you looked so peaceful and so perfect, like a sleeping baby without a care in the world. Your mummy was so broken, so so broken and my heart broke for them
The day of your funeral came and I can honestly say it has been the hardest day of my life, I have never cried so much in public, I didn't think it was possible to cry so much. Watching your photos on the screen in the church was the hardest thing I've ever had to watch, but at the same time I enjoyed seeing them... Seeing you smile, seeing you grow, seeing that wise look in your eyes! You were amazing! The most difficult photo to see was the one with you and daddy lying cuddling in daddies bed in your own home, you can see how special that moment was, lovely memories for your daddy. And the song mummy and daddy chose for you was so appropriate and I still listen to this song to this day and think of you and everything you brought to your mummy and daddy's lives.
Your photo sits proudly in my kitchen with 2 angel willow tree ornaments looking over you and a candle that I light for you, every little white feather that arrives for me I keep knowing you are around. Your passing has been the most difficult and heart breaking thing our family has gone through, we read about people in magazines and newspapers losing their babies and children but you never think anything like this will happen to your family and when it does everything changes! Our family has become closer as we all united to help your mummy and daddy, they needed us and they still do. Nothing we can do can make them feel better, but we are all trying. Just being there for them, letting them talk, hug them, anything.... I will never understand why you had to go, what was gods plan for you, is there a god?! If so, why does he let this happen to good people? These are questions we will never know until our time comes to join you and our other family members.
Please keep your mummy and daddy strong, they are stronger than they realise and I know you will be so so proud of them. Please keep sending your little signs and messages, please mend mummies heart and help her smile again, please give them the strength to carry on living their lives without you, even if they don't feel they can or want to, please whisper in mummies ear at night that you love her and hold her tight.
We all miss you Haydon, the strongest boy in our family. We love you superman and always will xxxxxx
When I first heard that your mummy and daddy were having a baby, I was so happy for them as they had been through so much and no one deserved this happiness more than them! I didn't know the full extent of their losses until later but I knew they had gone through so much hurt and was glad that finally some good times were coming their way
My mum (aunty Angela) told me that there was a chance you would be born with Down's syndrome and I did think to my self 'why is nothing simple for Helen and jim' but I quickly realised that your mummy and daddy would be the perfect parents for you as they are so caring and mummy is very experienced with children with difficulties and you couldn't be born into a better family. After seeing how our cousin Kevin has grown into an amazing young man, it just shows that having Down's syndrome makes people even more special
On the lead up to Christmas last year I knew it was a case of any day now that you would enter our world. When I received the text saying 'Haydon James Kennan' was born that day I was so happy that you were a brilliant weight! I thought 'he's gona do fabby!' And you did do fabby, you fought and fought and every hurdle you got over, you got stronger and I honestly didn't think anything bad would happen to you. I was desperate to meet you but didn't want to intrude on personal time, you had to many people closer to your mummy and daddy queuing up to meet you! When I heard you got home, I was amazed at how well you were doing as you weren't even due to be born yet!
Then you had to go back into hospital and sadly you never got to come home again I felt so devastated for your mummy and daddy. Your mummies Facebook was telling a very sad story and each day I prayed for you Haydon, I prayed and begged for you to get strong again as your mummy and daddy needed you... But every text I received about you, every phone call, every Facebook message, was news that made me even sadder
A few nights before you passed, your aunty Kirsty put up a Facebook status saying that they have had devastating news and your granny and grandads silver wedding had been cancelled... Well Haydon, I stayed awake all that night because I knew, I just knew I prayed that it was a set back and you would be ok in a few days but when I was told the next day that you had days to live I felt I had been stabbed in the heart
You see Haydon, aunty Sharon has her own 2 babies and this really hit home... I think you need to be a mummy to even get close to imagining what your mummy and daddy were feeling like. My own baby boy was only 9 months old and it was all so hard to deal with, so I switched my mind off that this was happening and prayed for a miracle, prayed for a text saying that you had amazed the doctors again! But sadly that text ever came, only a missed called from aunty Moira on the Friday morning at approx 8.30am and I just knew... (Your mummy's status saying 'the dark clouds are coming' appeared on my page and i cried my eyes out) It was one phone call I really didn't want to return but I had to and when aunty Moira said that you had passed just a short time earlier, my heart broke... My heart broke for you, my heart broke for your mummy and daddy, for your grandparents and aunties and uncles. I swear I have never held my 2 babies so tight in their wee lives. I went to work that day and could hardly speak to clients, I was very quiet all day and when I got home I cried and cried. Uncle Kevin shed a tear, we were all terribly sad
I can't even begin to Imagine what your mummy and daddy were going through, just awful
I got a text from your granny saying you would be in Tranent funeral parlour if we would like to say goodbye. This was hard as I didn't get to say hello... How can you say goodbye to a baby boy? Hard, hard day... But you looked so peaceful and so perfect, like a sleeping baby without a care in the world. Your mummy was so broken, so so broken and my heart broke for them
The day of your funeral came and I can honestly say it has been the hardest day of my life, I have never cried so much in public, I didn't think it was possible to cry so much. Watching your photos on the screen in the church was the hardest thing I've ever had to watch, but at the same time I enjoyed seeing them... Seeing you smile, seeing you grow, seeing that wise look in your eyes! You were amazing! The most difficult photo to see was the one with you and daddy lying cuddling in daddies bed in your own home, you can see how special that moment was, lovely memories for your daddy. And the song mummy and daddy chose for you was so appropriate and I still listen to this song to this day and think of you and everything you brought to your mummy and daddy's lives.
Your photo sits proudly in my kitchen with 2 angel willow tree ornaments looking over you and a candle that I light for you, every little white feather that arrives for me I keep knowing you are around. Your passing has been the most difficult and heart breaking thing our family has gone through, we read about people in magazines and newspapers losing their babies and children but you never think anything like this will happen to your family and when it does everything changes! Our family has become closer as we all united to help your mummy and daddy, they needed us and they still do. Nothing we can do can make them feel better, but we are all trying. Just being there for them, letting them talk, hug them, anything.... I will never understand why you had to go, what was gods plan for you, is there a god?! If so, why does he let this happen to good people? These are questions we will never know until our time comes to join you and our other family members.
Please keep your mummy and daddy strong, they are stronger than they realise and I know you will be so so proud of them. Please keep sending your little signs and messages, please mend mummies heart and help her smile again, please give them the strength to carry on living their lives without you, even if they don't feel they can or want to, please whisper in mummies ear at night that you love her and hold her tight.
We all miss you Haydon, the strongest boy in our family. We love you superman and always will xxxxxx
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