My son. My heart and my soul.

Today you should be pulling at your Daddy's hair and tugging on his beard.  You should be looking up at us and smiling.  You're gifts should be covered in your drools and dribbles, and sticky handprints.
Your card should say, forever yours, instead it says forever your angel.
You should be wearing a nice outfit and keeping him company while Mummy cooks a special dinner.  We should be pushing you up in your pram so we could wish our dads 'Happy Father's Day'.
Instead, Daddy is away with his friends on his motorbike.  Because this is the only way he will cope with today.  Mummy is left here alone thinking of you, and all that you should be doing.  I hurt for you, I hurt for your Daddy...and I hurt for all the should have beens. Today is not a day that I can celebrate, even though we have given gifts.
Daddy is wearing your special necklace, the one we got made with your name on it and with tiny footprints.  He will drink from the mug given from you that has a superman sign and Daddy written on it.
We will talk your name forever.

We will not allow people to forget your name, or not acknowledge that you were here.  We will not act like you weren't and still are a huge part of our thoughts and our life.....Just to make others feel better, or less uncomfortable. Regardless of who they are.

We will love you forever.  Because we have no choice, you were and are our son, we will carry you around with us for the rest of our lives.  We will always wonder what you would be like and what you would be doing.

When people act like you are a conversation that we can't have, or that you are a topic that should be avoided, we will speak up.  When people avoid our eye contact, or look down when we say your name, we will remind them.  Putting you to the back of their minds will not change the fact that you happened, you were here in our arms.  You came from my belly and we all cried at your birth.

Mummy and Daddy cried when you left, we lost you.  We lost our son.  We still cry.  Great big tears and choking sobs.
Nothing in life will make us forget you, because you existed.
Nothing in life will make us 'get over you', you weren't just a bad day.
Nothing in life will make us 'better', because we are not ill.
Nothing will 'help' us, because we don't have you, and you are all that we need.
Nothing will make us feel 'alive' again, we are finding a way to live.

and we will find it somehow.  It will take a very long time, but we will keep trying.
Mummy reads other people's stories, and the way that Mummy and Daddy feel is how they feel.  Noone really feels better.  They just learn to cope and wear a mask.  Some days that mask slips, even after many years their mask can slip.  Mummy and Daddy are creating their masks, it is a slow job, but some days we manage it.

Stay close to your Daddy today, he needs your love baby boy.
While all the other Daddies are opening presents and being spoiled, make him feel you around, make him know that you love him still, make him know that he will be with his son again.
I have lots of faith in you xxxxx My precious child.

I have listened to that a lot today xxxxx

Mummy loves you with every beat of her heart Bubba boy.  Daddy loves you with all of the words that he can't say aloud because it hurts him too much.  We love and miss you Haydon.  We just do.

xxxxxxx