Hello my beautiful boy xxx
Mummy is writing another blog because it's the only way she knows how to cope with everything.
5 months ago you flew away from us. You were lying on Mummy's chest and listening to her heartbeat with one ear, and your song in the other. Daddy was cuddling us both so tightly. We wanted you to feel that you were safely back inside mummy's tummy and that nothing was hurting you. We felt you fly away from us. You weren't hurting anymore.
Nothing will hurt you now. Nothing will hurt you ever again. You should have never been hurting in the first place. The doctor said you would get better. They told lies. We were worried about you, we had a really horrible feeling in our guts, but the doctors said you would be ok. You weren't ok. You were far from ok. You will be ok now up in heaven, it's just hard not having you here.
You gave Mummy and Daddy your pain because we asked you to. We told you that you could go and stop suffering. You listened to us. We are suffering now. But rather us than you baby boy xxxx You'd had enough.
None of it makes sense to us yet. Mummy and Daddy have been feeling so sad tonight. None of what happened to you will ever make sense. Our lives without you will never feel right, and will never make sense. Nothing will make sense any more, forever.
We are meeting Mr Paul tomorrow and he is going to discuss our ideas for your forever-stone. You already told Mummy in a dream what you wanted on it. Daddy thought your idea was perfect too. So we are going in with that idea in our minds. We have picked out a stone for you, and we have words ready to add to it. Mr Paul thinks we might have too many words because Mummy and Daddy will need to have their names added to your stone when we fly up beside you. We don't care what the picture or words are for us though. This stone is mainly for you. We can't buy you many gifts, so this is a gift for you. Mr Paul is going to make sure your forever-stone is in place for your birthday. That will be like a birthday and Christmas gift for you.
Not in any way what we had envisaged for your birthday celebrations. But then again who would imagine something like this. It's not fair bubba. We have a bundle of 1st Christmas baubles that we couldn't use last year because you were still in hospital. Mummy was still in hospital.
We don't want christmas in our house this year either. We might never want christmas in our house again. We don't care about that now, and that's a pity because we always loved christmas and we would have made sure you did too.
Mummy is going to the Creative Arts group at SANDS tomorrow. Julie has said it's ok if Mummy doesn't feel up to it. But Mummy wants to go. Mummy thinks it might help to create some art pieces in memory of you, my greatest love and my inspiration.
Mummy had a wee operation yesterday because her body isn't quite right after having you. She was a little bit sore last night, and again this afternoon when she was fixing your flowers. But you know what bubba, Mummy's heart pain is worse than her tummy pain so she isn't bothered by it really. She is frustrated that she can't do much until she is mended, but she's got bigger aches to deal with.
Mummy wishes tonight that she had captured you wearing every single outfit that you wore. Even the times where you didn't look at all well. We chose not to have those pictures at the time, because it was so sad to see you like that. But tonight we feel like we should have captured that time too, because we didn't know that you would be leaving us so soon.
Mummy and Daddy both cried tonight, worrying that we will forget a precious second with you in your lifetime with us. I don't think that will ever happen bubba, because you completely wrapped us all up in you when you were with us. You won't be easily forgotten, for anyone that met you, and even people who didn't.
Mummy misses you so much. Daddy hurts for you so so much too, he misses you pulling his hairy face.
We love you bubba, we just do xxxxx catch our kisses in heaven on your 5 month Angelversary xxxxxxxxx <3 <3 <3 xxxxx
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